A man walks into a bar and sits down, looking at a sign above the bar mirror. It reads " Preform 3 tasks and get $1000 "
He asks the bar tender is that sign really true?
Bar tender says sure is.
Man asks what are the tasks?
Bar tender replies: The first task is you have to walk down to the end of the bar where that big brute of a man is and knock him out with one punch.
The second task is there is an alligator out the back door there with a bad tooth and you have to pull it without killing the alligator. The third task is: there is a 90 year old fat woman up stairs that you have to have sex with.
The man looks down at the end of the bar and at the back door...
I believe he says one would have to be a few cards short of a full deck to do those things.
So he orders a few drinks, after about 2 hours he is ripped pretty good and says to the bar tender , is that sign still ago?
Bartender says sure is. Ok the man says I will try it.
The man staggers down to the end of the bar and plows the big brute right off his stool.
He turns around and goes out the back door and closes it behind him.
The people in the bar hear screaming and snapping , yelling and crying out side. Then moaning for about 30 minutes.
The back door flies open and in staggers the man all tore up with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.
The man says ok where is that old fat lady with a bad tooth?!
Happily retired, I worked till I was 72, am now 88, this year 2026 I will be 89
you could say I have earnt my crust
A farmer was sitting in a bar/pub having a beer, when in walked two professors from the local university. They sat close by talking about thermodynamics and puffing their chests up with pride. One of the profs decides to ask the farmer if he would like to talk about thermodynamics? The farmer says sure but before I do , you guys are quite smart and maybe you can answer a question for me? The professor says sure what is the question?
Well I have cattle and sheep, they are both in the same pasture eating grass and things, yet when the cows take a dump it is a large paddy, but when the sheep take a dump it comes out in little pellets? Why is that?
The professors think on it for a while and says we don't know.
The farmer then says: If you don't know shit how can I talk to you about thermodynamics?
Happily retired, I worked till I was 72, am now 88, this year 2026 I will be 89
you could say I have earnt my crust
LOL, made me chuckle.